


The Words Left Unsaid

by Detavot



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Canon - Manga, F/M, I always do platonic relationships in my fics, I thought I'd write fluff since it's rare, Lizzy and o!Ciel have got a lot of work to do, Manga & Anime, This is a work I actually feel proud of so it's a good feeling, so I figured this would be a nice change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-04 13:00:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15841818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Detavot/pseuds/Detavot
Summary: No one ever said love was easy, though no one ever said love was so painful either.





	1. Guilty Feet

**Author's Note:**

> I've left hints as to which song inspired the first chapter. Let's see who figures it out first!

    As Sebastian taught him the steps to lead, he couldn't help but worry about the numerous ways that this whole thing could go wrong. Maybe she would find his expressions annoying? Maybe the eyepatch would scare her off? Maybe she could tell he wasn't Ciel when their faces were so close together? Maybe he’d say something awkward? The questions still ate away at him even as he announced his presence.

    _It doesn't matter,_ he told himself. _I’ll die soon, anyways, so I might as well entertain her._

    Elizabeth looked prettier the closer he got. Her green eyes were warm and happy, and her hands shook a little as she curtsied. She had never danced with Ciel before, he realised and he felt guilt deep in his heart. A sadness for the person he could never be and his clueless betrothed, a guilt for what he had done two years ago. But he shoved all of that away to deal with at a later date, and strengthened his mask once more. Elizabeth deserved more than him, and he tried to be that person for her.

    It was not love he felt, or happiness. He could never feel such emotions again, he knew. But he felt duty, and he felt protectiveness. He would take care of Elizabeth, make sure she would never be hurt again, even if it meant hurting himself in the process.

    This was the first time he had danced, and it felt nice. It felt nice to let go and lose himself to the rhythm.

    Elizabeth visited a lot of times, most of which were very brief. She brought with her sunshine and smiles and sweets, things that he knew he would never deserve even as he accepted them with a smile. She played with the servants and he couldn't help but feel his cold heart begin to warm. But she could never love him, he knew. He had to keep his distance so he wouldn't make a fool out of himself, he had to draw lines so that he wouldn't make the same mistakes. He couldn't repeat what had happened to his family.

    They often danced in her visits, and he felt his heart getting warmer with each time.

    He knew he was screwed when his first thought was not his household but Elizabeth when Joker mentioned “witness elimination”. He had made a mistake in that regard, Elizabeth was supposed to be a distant relative who loved his brother, not him-- _never him_. And yet, even as he put on that smirk and felt absolutely confident that his servants would take care of the problem without alarming her, he felt guilt gnawing at his insides and felt desperate to go home, to check the manor and her, to keep himself sane.

    He began to smile. Her hugs were warm and her golden hair was so very soft against his cheek. Her voice was always excited and lovely. Her eyes always had a light in them. She would be excited whenever she saw him.

    No, not him, Lizzy was only excited to see Ciel. But he swore he would be whatever she wanted him to be, he swore he would make her happy. He has been a walking corpse from the moment they killed Ciel, so what harm would it do to kill himself off for good?

    Her dress was elegant and beautiful, though the dress could never match its owner. She was giggling as she led him around the ballroom of the Campania, and just for a minute the adults around him weren't so suffocating, weren't present all around him and violating his personal space. For just a minute, until Sebastian told him that it was time and he was broken out of the spell. Lizzy had too much control over him, and it should have made him panic as soon as he realised it… But he just smiled, a little warmth spreading through his chest.

    The numbing fear, the edge of sanity, the paralysing terror were all things he had experienced in Ciel’s death. And yet, as he saw the corpses reaching out for Lizzy, he felt the same feelings in his veins. “ _ **ELIZABETH!**_ ” he screamed, not able to look away from the scene as tears streamed down her face and she smiled at him. She was drenched, her elegant dress was completely torn, her hair was sticking to her body and face, her nose and eyes were a striking red. Even near death she looks beautiful, he thought mournfully and he wished he could cry.

    He was in the same cage again, powerless, a mere child. And they were going to take Lizzy from him. Just as they had tahem Ciel from his arms and laid him down, they would do the same to Elizabeth. And he could do nothing but watch.

    _But she didn't die._

    She brandished her swords, which she had most probably hidden inside her petticoat if the rips were anything to go off of, and she saved them. Lizzy wasn't dead. As her warm tears hit his cheek, he didn't think about anything but her eyes. They still had light in them. Lizzy wasn't dead. Lizzy was here. _Lizzy was still with_ _him_. _Lizzy was getting rid of the monsters and shielding him_.

    Lizzy thought she was protecting Ciel, the one she truly loved. And he couldn't bear the thought of her protecting a filthy liar like him. He made sure she was safely in the boat before going back inside the ship. He would make sure Lizzy never had to protect him again. He didn't deserve it.

    The crushing emptiness of his chest had gotten so much easier to bear, but he ignored it.

    He was falling deeper, he knew. His heart would speed up and his blood would rush to his cheeks whenever she was close. Her short jealousy of Sieglinde had been terrifying and deadly even if heartwarming, and he was thankful he was never the type to cheat. Wait, where had that come from? He shook those thoughts away and gripped his teacup tighter. This was only temporary. He was going to die soon, this relationship was only an act to fool her and the others.

    But, for him, it had grown to be much bigger than a mere act.

    Lizzy’s stares were getting more intense as time went on, her voice wary and her posture off. She was beginning to suspect him. He guessed that he could never be completely like Ciel, he was too much of a monster to ever be like his kind and selfless brother. But, goddamn it, he was selfish and he wanted Lizzy to love him. He wanted her smiles to be for him, not Ciel. He wanted her to say his name, nor Ciel’s… But she would never do any of those things. If she found out the truth, she wouldn’t be able to stomach his very existence. He wouldn’t blame her. Even he found himself sickening. It was easier to pretend that everything was fine, but he knew she was no fool.

    Damn it, it wasn't fair how she had waltzed in straight through his walls and yet he couldn't do the same for hers. It wasn't fair that he was spending so much time thinking about her, it wasn't fair how she’d made him open up to other people. He’d only end up letting all of them down, he knew he needed to chase them off before he could do lasting damage to them, but he couldn't make himself do it. _Weak,_ a voice much like Sebastian’s said in his mind. _If you’re so weak, they’ll end up just like Ciel._ He shoved that thought into a dark corner of his mind, but it still haunted him every day.

    She had ran away. It was easy to pretend that it did not bother him, that he was in control of the situation. But he felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest again.

    And now, here she was, right beside Ciel. Like she was always meant to be. “The real liar, is he,” she had said, her eyes wet with unshed tears. Ciel had taken her hand and she had shown no resistance, and he had to admit defeat.

    _I’m sorry for lying,_ he wanted to say. _I’m sorry for making you suffer, I love you._ But he never said it. It would be unseemly for a mere spare--a _monster_ , a _liar_ , an _imposter_ \--to ever say such things, and he loved Elizabeth far too much to ever put her through this pain again. He felt far too guilty to say or do much of anything, really. 

    He let Abberline cuff him, and he swore to never dance again.


	2. I Want To Leave, I Want To Stay

    In the midst of her black heart and her black dresses, Ciel had come back to her life a month later. Elizabeth felt her heart pounding faster and harder as she ran up the steps, her hair in a frenzied state she would have normally never allowed. But this was not a normal situation, the point further emphasized by her mother’s strangely quiet and apprehensive state behind her. She pushed the door open with her full might, uncaring for the little lie she had been living for five years.

    Ciel was sitting on a wooden chair, his feet dangling a few centimeters above the floor and covered only by simple black shoes. His legs were only covered by brown and questionably stained and ripped tights. He was wearing a large shirt which dwarfed him and made his body look so fragile. His skin tone was lighter than it had been only a month ago, his one eye was covered by bandages and the other one was staring at her blankly. A butler dressed in black was standing behind him, unmoving and expressionless.

    “Ciel!” she cried out, feeling her knees shake as the boy only hopped off the chair and stood eerily still. She pulled him into a tight embrace, tears streaming down her face as she sobbed into his shoulder. He wasn't hugging back, but that was alright. “Oh, thank God, thank God...!” He was so short compared to her, so thin… Thinner than he had once been. 

    She hadn't been there to protect him, and he had fell apart. Ciel never talked about what had happened during That Month. Elizabeth didn't push. The absent twin answered most of her questions anyways, and she focused only on smiling and trying to bring life back into this hollow recreation of her childhood.

    Ciel had founded a toy company, though Elizabeth failed to understand why. She asked him about it, but all she got was a calculating state and silence. She had been just about to turn away when his mouth parted the slightest bit. "It was his dream." Elizabeth found it a bit difficult to breathe right then. 

    The servants Ciel hired were a very energetic bunch who lacked proper manners and... any skill even remotely resembling a servant's. She knew that they were meant to be guards, people who would protect the mansion should the master be absent, but Elizabeth couldn't help but put them into cute dresses and wigs. Their grins made her heart leap, and the hope to bring back Ciel's smile didn't seem so unrealistic with these adults grinning at her with excitement and life. 

    Ciel was unapproachable and silent most of the time. He'd sit down and it would be like he was in a whole different world than the rest of them, a world only he could ever understand. Elizabeth remembered those sunny days in which he'd extend his hand to her, sunny days in which she would be able to tell what he was thinking when looking into his blue eyes. Of course... He only had one eye now. And she wanted so desperately to know what had happened to the other one, she wanted so desperately for him to tell her his troubles and let her share his burdens.

    She knew that she'd only be played with for a few hours before Ciel would send her home, but she went to his house anyways. She was prepared to feel the pain. If it would help her get closer to him, she'd gladly walk on the broken shards of her heart.

    It was late at night that she realised Ciel was acting off. The Ciel she knew would never let servants get a slice of their cake in the full view of other nobles. The Ciel she knew loved spending time outside. The Ciel she knew... This was not the Ciel she knew. His eyes were different, his posture, the manner of his speaking... It was different. Suddenly, his hesitations began making sense. Suddenly, she knew just who she has been spending her time with.

    He would touch the ring sometimes. The same ring she had broken once, the same ring he had been so ready to slap her for. As he touched the ring, his eye would darken and the shadows would make his face seem so much older than he was. Elizabeth didn't have it in herself to ask him why he lied, to ask him why _he_ returned. Not when he was smiling at her so shyly, not when he was looking at her in the eye and treating her like the most important person in the mansion. 

    The Ciel she knew would always be occupied. This Ciel always looked at her softly and made time for her. 

    It was blasphemy, it was scandalous, it was _wrong_. She knew it. She knew she should confront him, she knew she had to cut this off. She couldn't betray Ciel like this. And yet, she wore her low-heeled shoes and she still looked for him in the room when in a public place. She danced with him, and she fell victim to the boy who hid behind the mask. 

    She had gotten rid of her lies. On that fateful night, when the boy had reached out to her with a haunting scream and desperate eyes. She had believed in his lies back then, and she still remembered the terror she had felt when shedding her lies and letting him see the truth. And she remembered how he had gifted her a sword decorated with ribbons and frills for her birthday that year. She wondered what his true name was. 

    She wanted to call him by his name.

    He trusted her so much, it was so cute and heartwarming. What kind of a boy would leave his betrothed alone in his study? It was as if he was asking her to sneak about! She giggled to herself as she rummaged through the drawers. There had to be some picture from the past, right? Some document confirming the twin's name? There were a lot of letters from different people, all of which were very obviously studied letter to letter judging from the little notes and the underlined words. She finally found a letter from a man called Undertaker (where had she heard that name before?) at the bottom of the drawer and found the names of the twins. Ciel and...

    She practised saying that name over and over. 

 

 

    When Blavat first took her to the room, she had been suspicious. Her fiancé would never run a place such as this. While he did look out for the poor, he would never make such an entertainment free of charge and gift people pure silver. But... the person laying on that bed was Ciel. And suddenly, Elizabeth couldn't find air in her lungs.

    She said his name over and over in the darkness of her room. It hurt. It hurt her so, so much and yet she couldn't bring herself to hate him. Not when his eyes lit up when he saw her, not after all of the trouble he had gone through to take her back home. She wanted to do nothing more than remain in his bed with the large Bitter Rabbit, but she also wanted to learn the truth he had been keeping from her for the past three years. She wanted to know who she loved. 

    As he looked at her with wide eyes full of pain and hesitation, she felt as if someone had stabbed her through her chest. She wanted to go to him, she wanted to go hug him and try to tell him everything was going to be alright. She held Ciel's hand tighter to keep herself together. 

    These desires weren't her fault. This betrayal wasn't her fault. It was just that her heart... Her heart was chained to them both, and she would never get free. She couldn't leave, she couldn't stay. So she stayed in the middle and mistook pain for pleasure. 

    This love would be her doom.

**Author's Note:**

> Guess in whose point of view the second chapter will be in. :)


End file.
